I was not walking my talk cos I was too busy keeping the peace, swallowing my words, not rocking the boat, holding my tongue + keeping everyone’s secrets + then later on I would re-play it in my mind ~ with how I could/should have done it!
I knew by replaying it ~ it symbolized that I was out of my power in that moment + caught off guard. Everyone else was happy with how things were ~ but I wasn’t. So I began to witness the situations to discover the moment when my buttons were pushed that resulted in my silence. I would ask myself ‘what would help me to speak my truth?’ + the answer was always so simple ~ just do it!
There were familiar themes, faces + phrases and it always resulted in a slumping of my energy. So what to do?
I had regular healing sessions to support the transformation as I began to speak up to those people who would be ok with the new me (these are generally not your family!) and gradually raised my voice to be heard even when it was going to be a little more difficult.
Did it make life easier? Hell no! Why? because I stopped tolerating less because I deserved more! So I stuck to my guns!
Men~o~pause was changing me on so many different levels + I needed to match those changes in my outer world.
I have ruffled so many feathers because I am no longer willing to keep the peace ~ because the cost too my health is too high!
I no longer will listen to a conversation that begins with ‘please dont tell anyone’ ~ then dont tell me! The load is too heavy these days to carry.
I have re-located my needs to the top of my priority list! If this is an issue ~ then its not mine.
I rock the boat! Because my opinions matter.
I no longer use the word fine as a describing word ~ Underneath fine is an amazing assortment of emotions + feelings…and they are all mine!
Why ~ because I deserve the best so that I can be a source of inspiration for other women + girls who have yet to find their voice.
I am Woman ~ Hear me Roar!.
Blessings
Susanne
It is hard isn’t it to start speaking your truth….I can do it sometimes and sometimes i can’t….i, like you, notice the effect on me when i don’t and it isn’t a nice feeling.
So well done you for taking this step – you are already an inspiration and this will only deepen and widen it
xo
Hi Jody
I agree it is hard to speak up with certain people and when I do it often comes out all tongue tied and they may need me to repeat it! But I know its better out in the ether than buried inside me just waiting to erupt like a volcano. I guess the question to ask is ‘what is the worst that could happen’?
Each situation needs to weighed up on its own merits but in the end its my health that is important + if holding my tongue causes stress ~ then it aint worth it.
xSC